An Incredibly Boring Life - Or Is It?
by firefly81
Summary: The Sorting Hat is horribly bored with his life. Will a new Headmistress at Hogwarts shake things up?


"Ravenclaw!"

He sighed as the Ravenclaw table burst into applause for the newest member of their house. He was glad everyone else seemed to be so joyful because he was absolutely bored out of his leather.

So incredibly bored.

It was to be expected, of course. Any hat would be after performing the same task over and over again, year after year. It had been fun at first. Some of the children provided a few entertaining thoughts, and he got quite a few chuckles out of a handful of them.

But after centuries, all the thoughts in the children's heads just seemed to blend into one extremely boring story. Whether it was them worrying about what house they would get into, or thoughts that they really needed to fart, to day-dreaming about what kinds of cakes Hogwarts would serve, it was all BORING. And then he had nothing to do at all during the year until he was brought back out on September 1st to perform his task. Being stuck in the Headmaster's office for most of your days was… boring.

"Settle down, everyone. Now that all the new students have been sorted, I have an announcement. As many of you know, Headmistress McGonagall has been talking about retirement for quite some time. She has finally decided to retire and will not be returning this year," Professor Longbottom said.

This, as expected, caused chattering to break out among the students. It also greatly caught his interest. McGonagall was a good Headmistress but horribly boring. He perked up, wanting to hear who would be the new Headmaster or Headmistress.

"The new Headmistress is Professor Granger! Let's all give her a great round of applause!"

The room broke out in excited clapping, the loudest coming from the Gryffindor table, of course. He sighed in disappointment. While Professor… err, Headmistress Granger was perfectly nice and quite talented as a Professor, he knew she would not provide him with the entertainment he so dearly craved.

He would soon realize that he was very, very wrong.

It all started when one of his absolute favorite past students starting paying Headmistress Granger frequent visits. He had heard that Sirius Black visited the castle on occasion, but ex-Headmistress McGonagall refused to let him into her office. Headmistress Granger, on the other hand, had no such reservations.

It was after a few months of increasingly frequent visits that things started getting a little more… interesting.

He came to attention as he heard the Floo roar to life, and Sirius stepped through, brushing himself off as he walked over to Headmistress Granger's desk. Sirius sent a quick wink his way before stopping in front of the desk, waiting for the witch to notice he was there. She, however, was too busy completing paperwork to hear the Floo or pay attention to who was standing in front of her. He paid close attention, knowing this was probably going to be entertaining.

"Hello, Kitten."

The reply was a loud 'eek!' and a loud bang as the Headmistress accidentally knocked over her inkwell, spilling black ink all over her paperwork. This was followed by a frustrated sigh as the Headmistress turned her attention to the wizard standing in front of her.

"Sirius, what are you doing here?"

"Now, is that any way to talk to your most favorite person ever?"

"Oh? Did Remus come with you then?"

Sirius slapped a hand over his chest and gasped in a dramatic manner.

"Witch! How you wound me so!"

His antics drew a giggle from the Headmistress before she resumed her serious manner.

"Honestly, Sirius, you know I am really busy. Did you need something?"

"Am I not allowed to visit the object of my desire?"

"I thought Remus didn't come with you."

The wizard cocked an eyebrow before replying, "Cheeky witch."

"What? It's not like we all don't already know about you two sneaking about. You aren't exactly subtle. Why do you think I don't take any of your advances seriously?"

Well, now. _This_ was interesting. There were constant stories abound when Sirius was in Hogwarts, but none that even hinted that he might bat for his own team. Wanting to know more, he paid closer attention to the conversation. Instead of denying it, which was exactly what the Sorting Hat thought was going to happen, Sirius smirked at the Headmistress and inched closer. He leaned it as if he was about to whisper something.

"Is that so? Well, then, what would you say if I told you that you were correct?"

"I'd say I know it, and so would everyone else."

"Maybe so, but what would you say if I told you that Remus and I were looking for a third and have our eyes set on you?"

The sorting hat shook himself slightly as if to clean out his ears. They must be stuffed with dust because he was sure he didn't just hear what he _thought_ he did. Apparently the Headmistress agreed with him because she just burst out laughing. She slowly trailed off when Sirius didn't join in, instead just stood there silently.

"Wait. You couldn't possibly have been serious, could you?"

"Absolutely. I told Remus he should have come with me because you weren't going to believe me, but he was too nervous that you were going to say no. But I told him you wouldn't. You aren't going to say no, are you, kitten?"

The Headmistress instantly looked nervous as Sirius began to walk around her desk to approach her.

"Um, Sirius? What are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing?" he asked, right before he pulled her out of her chair and into his arms. The next thing the Sorting Hat knew, Sirius had pulled the Headmistress into a _very_ heated snog. While they were preoccupied, the Floo roared to life once more, and Remus Lupin stepped out. Neither noticed.

Maybe his life wouldn't be so boring now.

* * *

Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition.  
Prompt: Write from the Sorting Hat's POV.

Thanks to Dina for the beta duties.

Go Wanderers.


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